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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Straight Shooting

Okay, I've dreaded this blog post but want to be honest and maybe help someone. This time three years ago, Ron & I were getting ready to move from our first house into a bigger, better house in a great area, a place we wanted to stay for a long, long time. Did I have reservations about a much bigger house payment? Yes. Did I talk myself into thinking that everything would work out fine? Yes. Did we use our home for good? Yes. Did we live happily ever after there? No.
So here's the story: About 10 months before we bought the new house, Ron landed a great job that meant we could afford a new house. Then 2 months after we moved in, he lost the job. Talk about a scary time. We managed to hang on to the house and stay afloat for a while, but that meant letting go of other things. Before long we were in a financial mess. The thing is, we never thought that would happen to us.
I look back (as I know Ron does) and think about pivotal decisions that I personally made that could have prevented the heartbreak we've experienced in the last few years, especially last 6 months. I will share my fault in this because I hope that someone benefit from my transparency. When I was expecting Ava, I resigned from my teaching job, meaning that I finished the school year and didn't renew my contract for the following term. Well, I allowed 'self' to try to fix things, and during the middle of June, I called my former principal and asked for my position back which he gladly accepted. Ava was born in July, and I returned to work in mid-October. Since then it's like I've been in the deep end of a swimming pool trying to keep my head above water. I feel pulled in every direction-- the roles of wife, mom, and teacher are demanding to say the least. I believe if I would have waited on the Lord's direction longer, I would have not returned to work that fall, and we wouldn't have bought a more expensive house. Hindsight is 20/20. Through studying the Word and personal experience, I feel that He wants moms home as much as possible. And as I stated, Ron has his own regrets.
In July 2010, Ron and I had the conversation that we'd both been avoiding-- What are we going to do? After prayer, wise counsel, and good 'ol black and white facts on paper, we realized that we had to sell the house (or worse) and start over, so to speak. My parents and sister/brother-in-law were really supportive of our decision. A week or so after our decision, my parents came over and offered for us to live with them while we work on restructuring our finances. We had planned on renting an apartment, but after praying about their offer, we agreed that it would be the fastest way to 'get it together.' It sounds silly, but I cried for two days about leaving our house. We had picked out everything inside and out: we loved the weeping mortar, the color of the brick, the distressed shutters, the large wood door, the covered patio, the dark-stained/scored concrete floors, the upgraded oil-rubbed bronze doorknobs/lighting/plumbing fixtures, custom paint colors throughout.... I had poured so much time and energy into decorating every nook and cranny of the house. I felt like I was in mourning. Of course, I reminded myself over and over that it's only a house and how blessed I am to have my husband and daughter and health. I guess it was just something I had to go through. God allowed my friend Niki to be there for me in such a special way too.
Now as I spill my guts to you about mistakes and regrets, I'm reminded that so many wonderful things have happened to me in spite of my imperfection. When I chose to go back to work, I got to be 'next door' to one of the new hires: Shannon, who is one of my very best friends in the world now; had I not gone back, I probably would have never met her. I have been able to teach around 400 more students and hopefully, touch their lives as teachers can. We were able to host a small group for our church since we had a spacious enough house for the group. I learned how to be thrifty (you have to be when you need to fill up a larger space on a tiny budget! ;) That's when I fell in LOVE with yard sale shopping, Craig's List, and Goodwill! Our home was a central point for my parents and sister/b-i-l to meet up for dinners and things. We have fabulous memories of Ava's birthday parties and lots of grilling out and family movie nights.
We moved out over my Christmas break from work. It is still for sale. If it doesn't sell soon, we'll lose it. That's a hard pill to swallow, but God is good. I know we'll walk through this season and come out stronger and better because of it.

13 comments:

  1. Brooke--I will be praying that your house sells VERY soon.

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  2. i know this had to be very hard and humbling to write. I feel like posts like these really help us to realize that we are not in control of our lives, God is always Sovereign, and we must strive to be in the Word so we can know his will. I know I have had to write many posts like this. So thankful we can rejoice and find rest in him during hard times. I don't know how unbelievers make it through life without it. I know God is going to bless you guys for bowing your knees and letting him be in control. I can totally relate to having to give up your home and live with parents. Although our situation was different, it was still hard. I will be praying for you guys! Don't loose sight about what this time in your lives is really about... its about letting the Lord reveal himself to you in new ways. Encouraging to see that you are letting Him do just that. Praying for you guys!

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  3. I am praying for you and often think of you! I admire you for sharing your trials and triumphs. I love seeing how God used things in life to make us stronger!

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  4. I've had you on my mind lately and wish I got to see you more at work. Praying for you during this transition! Let me know if you need anything!

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  5. I will be thinking of you and you family through this hump.

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  6. Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart. I have been following your blog from the beginning. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God is in control - I have to remind myself a lot of times of this too.

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  7. Brooke I know it mst hae been so hard for you & Ron to make that choice. Buster & I struggled so HARD when we first got our house.On paper we could afford it but in reality we couldn't. I had to go back to work in the hospital vs Dr's office. I give up every weekend to work but to stay home with my girls during the week. I do wonder sometimes how things would be if we had started out smaller and smarter!!! I'm praying for you and your family thru this tuff time. Just know that you are not Alone thru this process!!! And GOD really does answer prayer!!! :)

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  8. i love you so much and it's been so hard to see you go through this. we love you and support you both. you are beautiful and smart and a terrific wife and mom. we pray for you very often and hope that when it's all said and done yall will be stronger individually and together as a family. i'm always here for you and love you so much!

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  9. Wow, Brooke. This is such an amazing post. I love your honesty. I feel like going through this with you has morphed our long friendship to something really special. God is seeing you through each and every step of this journey. He writes the story...thank goodness.

    I love you, Niki

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  10. This is such a moving story. You have inspired me Brooke. I think we need a "share your renting story" at Content to Rent sometime soon.

    Thank you for sharing!

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  11. thank you for posting this. I am going through something very similar and your post made me feel a lot better today. My emotions come and go - I am sure you understand that.
    Here is my story - or most of it - I am a terrible blogger but working on finding my voice.
    Thanks!
    http://smallspacebigfamily.blogspot.com/2011/03/small-space-big-adventure.html

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  12. I saw your comment on Content to Rent and had to let you know how grateful I am for your post. I am going through the same situation and feel so very alone. I feel like we are friends, comrades, sisters. Thank you so much!

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  13. Thank you for this post. I hope all is well with your family. My family and I are in the same situation and are waiting for the Lord to reveal a rental propery to us. We had to sell our home as a short sale. We lost our savings and all of our profit due to the economy. God has a plan and my family and I are thankful we have each other through this very difficult time. It's been a hard pill to swallow as I got laid off from my job and lost the very thing that I worked so faithfully for, for so many years. We will get through this because our God is faithful.
    Be Blessed

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